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Showing posts from 2013

On Life and Love (A Poem)

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  On life and love The loss of a relationship Is not grief or sorrow As some might imagine But rather the amplification of joy - The sudden and overwhelming Flavours of an intense bond Recollected in fondness Which having been steeped in hot water, like tea Provide a blast of succulent sweetness That is nectar to the soul (It was always there You just never experienced it so fully and Completely before) For the loss is not an ending It is a transfer of energy An offering of gratitude for all The shared memories And a passing on of the baton To someone new who is able To take your beloved to new heights And different peaks That are necessary for the evolution Of their soul And so, we push past our reluctance Prise open our clenched fist And let the ladybird of that friendship Fly free to the horizon, where The dawning light Of a new day greets us Welcoming us back to ourselves Inside our own skin again - I

Why Taking Action Will Likely Teach You More Than What You Learnt in School

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This year I started a business, and I'll be the first to admit I had no clue what I was doing. Now, just three months after starting the business, I am the remarkably odd position of choosing deliberately not to advertise my business, and deliberately keeping a low profile so I don't get more work than I can handle. Before the year is out I will likely have to start employing and training staff. Now I don't share this story as a result of my business brilliance. Trust me - I'm not brilliant, and I certainly don't know everything, but oddly enough that is what has contributed to my success. Normally I am the kind of person who likes to read every book on the subject. I read and I read, and I make plans to put into action, but never actually end up actioning the plan because I am so fearful of all the stuff I don't yet know. I was like this even a few months ago. But now I realise I could wait my whole life and I would still never know all there is to know.

How Can You Smile After What You Have Been Through?

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This is a question people sometimes ask me when they hear my story, and it is an important one. I hope to give it justice with the answer I write here. Before I answer though I need to put out a disclaimer: although I smile and laugh and always have in spite of what I have been through, I have also cried. LOTS. I have been depressed, and I have been suicidal, and I do not want to discount how hard those places are to be in. If anyone reading this is in those places right now, please know my heart goes out to you with the maximum amount of love. So how do I smile, how do I laugh? Because smiling and laughing are symptoms of the only true healing medicine in the world: love. And no matter how much evil I have experienced, and seen, I have always known that love wins, that love is bigger, that love can always be found, even in the darkest place. Every time you choose to live, you are choosing love, and when you choose love the universe will respond with more love. At first it

The Joy of Doing Things BADLY (and What Gets in the Way)

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Last night at our flat we were bored and we got a little crazy. We pulled back the furniture, plugged in the Xbox Kinnect and played some crazy sports-based games as a form of flat bonding. And it was great! So much fun! Yet, dare I say it, it is the kind of thing I normally avoid. Just like dance, just like writing fiction. It feels too risky, it feels too much like hard work, and way out of my comfort zone. Part of the problem is I like doing things well. And these things do not come naturally to me. So more often than out I choose not to partake. Even last night my flatmate had to coerce and drag me to give it a go. I was content to watch, and cheerlead and laugh on the sidelines, but do it myself? Oh no! However eventually I gave it a go, and I had so much fun. Of course at the beginning I felt so awkward, but slowly that awkwardness was overtaken with a sense of freedom and wild abandon, things my carefully controlled and structured self rarely feel. In that moment the free

The Power of Showing Up: How Your Presence Matters to Others

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So I have a confession to make: I am something of a lone ranger. Always have been, probably always will be. I grew up effectively as an only child, as my older brother was placed in permanent foster care from the time he was born. My home environment was very abusive and dysfunctional and how I dealt with this was by retreating into my own internal space, the bubble of my soul where my organic self could find freedom, calm and protection. To make matters worse, I am an off-the-charts introvert, despite having a big heart and loving the people around me. There are obviously many benefits to being this way. (Check out Susan Cain's talk 'The Power of Introverts' if you need a reminder of what some of these are). However there are some obvious downfalls too. I can be too serious, too self-absorbed, and I can forget the power and gift my presence can be in the lives of others around me. Check out the following case in point: My friend's birthday party So a friend of

"I am a child of miracles" : Lessons from a Schindler's List survivor

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Two nights ago I had the privilege of attending a public lecture given by a woman named Eva, the very last remaining Schindler's List survivor. She spoke of living in a Jewish ghetto in Poland, being in concentration camps including Auschwitz as a little girl (she was 2 when the war started), near escapes from being killed, and witnessing horrible, despicable things. Being grateful for life itself Overall the theme of what she said though was "I am a child of miracles". What an amazing statement. Here is a woman who has seen the very worst of life, but was still grateful for life itself. Here was someone who had every reason to see herself as a victim, but instead chose to see herself as a survivor. Here was someone who could have very well chosen to close herself off from life and others, but instead was being open and vulnerable and letting us all see her pain. That got me thinking! The power of affirmations You see recently I have been listening to Loui

What I have learnt about weight loss

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I have tried to lose weight for years, and recently I discovered my own personal answer to why I couldn't lose weight: I had Hashimoto's Disease. (Now not all of you will have Hashimoto's Disease of course, but what my condition has taught me contains great wisdom that can help YOU finally get your weight under control - keep reading). So for years I kept putting on weight or being unable to lose weight and getting frustrated with myself thinking it was all my fault. I had messages running through my head like "You're so fat and lazy, Michelle. You're undisciplined, and unmotivated", all this despite the fact that I didn't eat very much and I worked out frequently. Here's the deal - it wasn't my fault, and it isn't yours either! Let me explain. Now that I have learnt that I have Hashimoto's Disease I have learnt that in order to reverse my symptoms I need to eat completely gluten-free, dairy-free and egg-free to stay healthy. And i

Word for today: Psychitude

"A state of being in which the individual exudes energetic enthusiasm, contagious levels of positivity, and takes it upon oneself to create and engender a successful, excited, and constructive environment in those around them." -Definition as provided by Urban Dictionary Don't you just love discovering new words? I do.  Which brings me to a question: how can I be most constructive to you? Is there anything you would like me to write a post on? Leave a message in the comments and let me know.

There Is Room For All Our Experiences

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One of the key human virtues that has the power to heal the world is tolerance . Please do not misunderstand me - I am not saying we should be tolerant of murder, rape and other traumatic and violent acts. What I am talking about is tolerance of people. This means accepting the fullness of human experiences and beliefs that people may have/hold. Too often I hear people making black and white statements about what people should believe, and how people should be. Such views are narrow and discriminating and place us in a position of alienation from others. Of course it is important to have your own opinions, values and beliefs - that is what makes you you - but my point is this: every time we step into the world of shoulds we start segregating ourselves from the world, and from love. One of the things that people often judge me for is the fact that I don't want children. "Oh, but you should want children," people say, "Children are such a blessing". Agree

Turning 30

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Turning 30 is an event that a lot of women fear. Today, Erin Kennedy of mythirtyspot.com features a piece I wrote about what turning 30 means to me. You can check it out here:  http://www.mythirtyspot.com/search/label/project I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome visitors from Erin's site to my blog. As you can see this is a brand new project of mine that I am just getting off the ground. If you want to stay connected please subscribe so you will get email notification of future posts. Photo credit: Birthday cake  by Will Clayton  on Flickr.

What My Cat Teaches Me About Trauma

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My cat, Jaxx, and I have just moved into our new home. This is my cat’s second move in his life of 5 years. He does not like change. (I do not like change either, but I have become more comfortable with it over time because I have been exposed to so much of it in my life.) It is Day 2 in the new place, and Jaxx has spent most of his time under my bed, not eating, not sleeping, in a state of hyper-arousal. Periodically he works up the courage (every four hours or so) to come out from under the bed. He comes and rubs up against me and is desperate for physical touch to reassure him he is safe. He will eat a couple of bites of food, then walk around and sniff things for a while. Then he will hear a small noise, and scared will run and hide under the bed again. These are the lessons my cat is teaching me about responding to traumatic events: 1.        Trauma is different for everyone. What overwhelms one person might not phase another. (I have lived in about 30 different

The Day I Learned Not to Dream

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When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was write. I carried a green-coversealed notebook around with me all the time. I jotted down bits of conversations I overheard, interesting words, and detailed descriptions of protagonists that would star in my stories. Then one day, my dad threw my notebook in the trash. It got collected by the garbage truck and went to the landfill to die. I cried and asked my dad why he would do that. “Oh that book isn’t important”, he said. What he meant was your stories, your dreams aren’t important to me or the world. I carried that message with me a long time. I stopped writing. But even though I had stopped writing people could still see the dream in me. Teachers and colleagues would say things like, “I can see you becoming a famous writer one day”. Yet still I didn’t write. Eventually I realised, years later, that what he said really had nothing to do with my dreams, my potential or my talent. What he said reflected how he felt about his dr